Wednesday, September 9, 2009

twighlight creepiness

So we got to talking about twilight the other day, general discussion about how much it sucks some real fucking ho-bag ass and how it could only possibly appeal to high school girls and emo’s and that’s when it struck me!

This shimmering vampire boy is a motherfucking stalker! He smells this girl, fantasizes about her and breaks into her house to watch her sleep! This is not romantic, this is not love. This is fucking creepy ass obsession. No wonder so many girls are being abducted, they are confusing creepy shit with love! And this series is aimed at young girls with the deadly accuracy of a poisoned arrow.
I went trolling on the net for fan sites to assess the damage being done, one is even called “lion and lamb love” and it is but one of 1,580,000 fan sites action packed with spontaneously orgasmic teenage girls literally obsessed with this series!

Shimmer Cock is gonna make Miss Bella pregnant, first of all I’m not sure how since he is the undead but anyway for their honeymoon they go to this really hot place and have sex in the ocean. Hear the sound of a million girls swoon. So anyway next morning Miss Bella wakes up all banged to shit cause apparently Shimmer Cock go waaay out of control and started beating Miss Bella around – totally by accident of course. Anyway, she’s pregnant and the baby is growing SUPER fast and this thing will kill her at birth so Shimmer Cock makes her a vampire. But only after he cuts her open and tears her uterus open with his teeth. Yay! I have no idea how this woman managed to make that shit romantic but there you have it and now every high school girl in the fucking universe is going to wanna carry some antisocial depressed teenage boy’s baby before he goes columbine on their asses.

The stupid do indeed multiply faster than the smart!

So after she’s caused as much damage with vampires as she possibly could (what with destroying years or vampiric badassness and impregnating tweens) she is now peddling a werewolves series!
I wonder what their special will be? Maybe their fur will have magical healing powers? No way… not near gay enough! Maybe when the wind blows through their fur it will make music. Music that lure girls and smash them across rocks. Like Sirens. Both gay and creepy! Success!

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