Oh look! Another group invitation?! Let’s see. “So and so invited you to join the I-Know-a-Zimbabwean-who-knows-a-Zambian-who-knows-Robert-Mugabe group.” Or “So and so invited you to become a fan of the-band-they-started-in-the-garage-yesterday”. But wait.. didn’t I ignore this 3 times already? Fucking stop it! I do not want to join in your suckfest! Why should I join your retarded group? I am a member of a hundred groups already, of things I care about or like! I don not like your stupid motherfucking band and I do not want updates on how long your practice went on today before your mom called you in for dinner! And I do not wanna be invited to your first live gig ever because I live in CPT and you live in Pofadder. Fuck.Off!
Couples
When people in relationships write on each other's walls every 10 minutes and refer to each other as "baby" "sweetie" "honey" whatever. We get it, you're in a relationship. Go find something better to do. Albums full of really-close-cause-they're-taken-by-the-people-in-them couples pictures. Disgusting and embarrassing.
If you want to make it all so very public why not make in interesting to all of us and post your sex pictures or say things like “ I love you so much baby even though your penis is kinda small!” I mean we are just laughing at you people anyway!
Retarded Status Updates
Like “I hate her so much” or “I’m so sad” forcing people to ask who, why or are you ok? Fuck.off you emo bitch!
Or people who share way too much. Dude.. I don’t wanna know that you’re dad is in prison. I don’t wanna know that your mommy touches your special place. Phone motherfucking lifeline and stop bringing everyone down with your pity party!
Stop looking for attention its pathetic.
Fucking applications!
Listen all you sociopathic knuckle draggers with your motherfucking Farmville/ Mafia Wars/ Medical Mayhem/ Cafeville or what-fucking-ever-ville people. You stickers/ hugs/ drinks/ lollipops application viruses: You are fucking annoying everyone!.
Maybe you're a 3 year old city dweller whose peepers have never even seen a MooMoo, or you may detest carrots to the point of puking but have a fetish for frozen vegetables, or maybe you are trying to get in touch with your inner swine or fowl. What sad bastards you all are. Go ask your mother for a suck on her teet and stop spamming my god damn page!
And for the sake of Mary being a virgin and Joseph believing her stop making albums of your motherfucking farms! Fuck.off!
Endless Notifications
This happens when you so much as fart in the direction of someone’s status update, picture or link. You then receive 50 updates on anyone else who liked, commented or farted on said person’s status update, link or picture. I really don’t fucking give a god damned shit about how Johnny feels about it!
Or notifications that have fuck all to do you with you! No facebook I do not want to know which of the twilight characters my friends are. I do not want to compare my movies in 2009 with them and I do not wanna find out if Youseff Random Arab Houssains motherfucking is my fucking soultmate. I already know he isn’t! Fuck.off!
Right this dildo is pretty and it sparkles. Oh!Don't forget to throw it in the fridge before using it though, so you're sure to get that cold, lifeless feeling a real vamp's sparkly cock would be sure to have. Well, they are Twipanties. Not much to say about these really... except well... DID YOU NOTICE ED CULLINS MOUTH ON THE INSIDE OF THE CROTCH? And of course you'll need a Twibra to complete the set, this comes with the Cullins Family Crest. You know.. that family you will never belong to... Yes, why wouldn't you want a pissed off giant floating Vampire stalker head staring at you while you shower? Not really sure.what.this.means BUT if your mommy really is a "Bella", that means you are a demon spawn whose father had to rip through your mommy's stomach with his vampire teeth to release you from her womb. You also will grow abnormally fast, be a child forever, and have a totally consensual love affair with a werewolf 17 years your senior. So that's good. Get the shadowy Ed Cullin to stand guard over your bed and remind you that you shouldn't have sex before marriage... and that it'll probably kill you Yes this was bound to happen. Somebody was bound to make felt plush of Bella's womb with baby Renesmee inside. My question is... WHY IN THE MOTHERFUCK WOULD YOU DO THIS AND WHO THE FUCK PLAYS WITH THIS???
I always use these pages to bitch about things that irritate the fuck out of me so when I come across something I love I feel I should share it.Those of you who know me know that I am a reality TV junkie (No You are a brainless retard) but rarely have I been as excited about a show as I am about Momma’s Boy.
The thing I love about this is the fact that its just so completely fucked up that I can hardly believe its on television. Do these people really exist?
Well what is it you ask?
Momma's Boys is a dating series that centers on three overly possessive yet loving mothers who must help their complacent (read pathetic) sons choose the perfect woman - and ultimately poses the question: "Who is really the most important woman in every man's life?"
Over the course of the series, we will watch intense, emotional showdowns and rivalries, as well as raw, personal moments between mother and son. All of this will unfold as 32 single women - some classy and some brassy - vie for the attention of the three eligible bachelors and their mothers who live with them throughout the series.
Momma's Boys will uncover the conflicts between a mother's wishes and a son's desires and reveal the truth about who plays a more crucial role in a young man's life - his mother or his significant other. But what sort of freaks would subject themselves to this humiliation and torture?Let’s meet them
Of the three guys, JoJo Bojanowski had the worst mom. It really seems like his mother wants to take a bath with him and naughty things to his cute little penis. What mother says their son is "sexy, good looking, handsome, has great muscles, and great teeth." There are such creepy undertones with every compliment she gives. I’m surprised she hasn’t slipped her tongue down his throat yet. This woman is also a Nazi. When asked what she's looking for in a woman, she reads off a list of things she's NOT looking for. She doesn't approve of her son dating a black woman, a Jewish woman, an Asian woman, a woman with a big butt, or a woman who doesn't cook and clean. And she's not joking.
Then there is Michael, the firefighter whose mother is carrying his balls in her handbag. She does his banking for him, she packs his clothes for him, she buys his underwear for him and watches him undress. I also think she might be on Prozac because she has this fanatical smile permanently stuck on her face even when she “is so upset with Michael right now”.
Michael likes tall blond girls with big boobs and too much make up and Michael’s mom likes short petite brunette’s with a medical degree.
Of the three I probably like Rob and his Mom the best. Rob is pretty respectful to the girls – the only one who is not trying to get them in a bikini for a snog in the Jacuzzi (oh yeah.. there’s plenty of that happening) and his mother is typically Jewish. Meddling and over protective but not like.. you know.. in love with her son or anything.I am glued to my seat each week.
My insides are torn each time between the horrific, just plain sick and the hilarious! And it never never disappoints!Watch it. Mondays. SABC 3. 20:00.
They go out one night bla-bla-bla-demons-something-something she now eats boys to stay aliveThere is some blood, but you never actually see anyone get mangled. Because Fox’s wet blanket of a demon generates absolutely zero scares, Jennifer’s Body relies mostly on cheap ass startles to generate tension, such as Jennifer showing up behind people with no warning and don’t-look-behind-that-door frights where things jump into view.
How fucking stupid do you think we are??
And who the fuck cuts out a Megan Fox topless scene?!
Twilight: New Moon
Big Sigh.
The Twilight Series is an amoeba. An amoeba who’s only skill is sucking! It is fucking HORRIBLE. That’s right, horrible in all caps!
New Moon fucking sucked asshole!
The central characters are:
Bella: horny pale girl who hates life but wants to become a vampire so she can live it eternally.
Edward: Creepy stalker vampire with no personality. He likes his girls stupid and unfaithful.
Jacob: Potential rapist who runs around after other people’s girls. Werewolf who wears pants and nothing else.
This one is no different than the first, only Edward is swapped out by Jacob and Bella spends most of the movie getting to know him. I’m sorry but if you’re boyfriend is a vampire does the mind not naturally progress to a point of realization that other fucking monsters might just fucking exist also?
This movie is about lust, obsession, and abuse DISGUISED as romance and true love.
So why is the Twilight series such a big hit?
NECROPHILIA
That’s the only reason I can think of. All twilight fans are motherfucking necrophiliacs
The International
Look I can’t even tell what this movie is about even though I sat through all 5 hours of it. I guess it had something to do with spies and some foreign folks. There was a lot of fucking talking about shit I don’t understand, I think they were meant to save this one guy who fell off the roof at the end. Or something. I was just seriously bored.
I watched this movie because of Clive Owen and because I dig the dude. He makes a decent action flick, and listen when I see his face I don’t wanna listen to it talk me into nauseum, which is why I do not understand what in the motherfuck he was doing this time. In this entire movie there was one shootout in an art gallery and then that thing on the roof at the end. And then some guy you’ve never seen before comes and shoots him. Yeah.. I don’t get it either.
Horsemen
MichaelBay made this movie. I think he is trying to tell us that he was molested as a child. And Dennis Quaid must be going through an expensive divorce.
It is about some emo kids who kill either parents.
The plot is so full of inconsistenciesyou wonder if the guys who wrote the script got fired half way through only to be replaced by some guy who writes warning labels for a living. The whole fucking biblical motif makes no sense, and half the points raised in the first half of the movie suddenly dissapear and is never mentioned again. like where did these kids get their SAVANT medical expertise?
The kids are basically upset because their parents don’t hug them enough or touch them in bad places or don’t like them cause they’re gay. So they hang them from hooks on these really elaborate steel frames ,they get from a guy who’s real job is tattoos, and then tap their blood. Whatever happened to mass suicide?
There are a lot of scenes with grown men sobbing and snotting all over the place and on ridiculously hot asian girl who speaks german.
Jonas Brothers 3D Concert Experience
Oh good mother of god why was this abomination created?
Imagine you are strapped to an uncomfortable chair, imagine your eyes being held open my matchsticks.
Imagine the torture of the Jonas brother’s singing. Imagine thousands of screaming 12 year old girls!
Having a baby is not normal. It is a freakish grotesque abomination! Just think about it, you have a serpent-like monster plant something inside your uterus and then, after its leached its very life force out of you it tears its way out of you in a fucking bloodied, gooey minging mess! They even made a movie about it! Look!
Everyone thinks that their baby is a miracle. Well, it fucking isn’t! If babies are miracles then miracles are dropping down the chute in trailer parks all across the motherfucking world.It turns perfectly cool badass people into squealing retards and the parents can suddenly only talk about their grown sperm! When asked if I want to hold the baby I respond with “Fuck No” which is somehow interpreted as “Oh yes! Please!”. Mommies I do not want to touch your cunt fruit. I do not want to be invited over for drinks to watch the DVD of the miracle. I do not want to see the pictures show up in my facebook feed. In my mind your bellies are filled with chocolate and marshmallow and when the baby arrives, the motherfucking stork dropped it down the chimney! This is my fantasy and it keeps me happy.
Babies are annoying, they smell bad, they make a noise, they don’t know anything and you can’t send them to labour camps to learn a skill or make shoes. They should not be allowed in public places, anywhere near other people like restaurants, shopping malls and most certainly not in airplanes. I would have checked it with the baggage or at the very least have had the decency to put it in the overhead compartment with all the other crap!
They ogle tits openly (not only their mother’s, mind you, but any boob which gets within their limited range of vision), they have a fascination with their own bodies which borders on the obscene (and they don’t hesitate to reveal this to strangers), they even play with their own excrement and drool on others. Would we tolerate this from any other source? I think fucking not!
There are perfectly fine take away children in orphanages across the world that you can keep and love for 2 years and then send them off to boarding school. God's only son had all his diapers changed by Mary and Joseph. Maybe God doesn't like babies either. Have I gone too far? Who cares?
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