Meat is King

The meat is good! The meat is king! There is no boundaries to the fucking awesomeness of the meat! Hail the meat!

The really clever few of you may have guessed that I'm no vegetarian. I love the meat. And the fish. And the poultry. And every possible food made of living creatures. I know, that also involves plants and similar life-forms. But I prefer the more evolved ones. I mean, why should I waste my fucking time be eating all those lame ass proteins of lower life-forms, if I can have already complete, developed, high valuable proteins?

Vegetarians, what the fuck is this shit all about?

Go into yourself, dear vegetarians. Find the cause for your condition. It is self-importance, stupidity, naivety, and the temptation of group masturbation with other veggies about how much you love nature and animals and flowers and plants and those cute little puppies.

Many people consider that animals are treated poorly, executed “inhumanely”, and a slew of other completely unfounded bullshit justifications. To those people who think this, let me ask you, where did you originally obtain this perception to begin with? Could it perhaps be… the media? Have you physically dragged your ass to the source and seen for yourself how these animals are treated? My guess is no, you haven’t. Yet again you are the victim of gullibility and are tripping over yourselves to jump on a new fad because the media have “sold” it to you. Fucking suckers. I thank the Lord every day I’m not as fucking stupid as you people.

The entire “humane” argument is typical bullshit from hypocritical motherfuckers who want to come off as “better” human beings. How far do you pricks want to take this, really? You’re fine with the animal being slaughtered (murdered) for your own personal consumption, but only if it’s been treated well? Do I even need to point out the utter hypocrisy in that statement? I’m really sorry that the cows for our burgers can’t live in 5 star accommodation, receive weekly manicures, colonic irrigation and perhaps even massages, but here’s a newsflash for you…. their sole purpose for living is to fill our stomachs. They aren’t our friends, and they serve no other purpose than to feed us. Do you honestly think it makes a difference if a cow is standing in an open field or in a tightly packed pen? Do you think an animal that is so fucking stupid that it lacks the evolutionary process to not shit down its own back legs honestly gives a crap about where it spends its short-lived days, as long as it’s fed?Do you honestly think that the prehistoric hunter-gatherers had this kind of “spare time morality” before they speared the shit out of their dinner? You bet your ass they didn’t.

The only reason fuckers like you even give a shit is because you’re the type of people who simply have to bitch and whine about something. We’ve reached a level of human sophistication where we don’t have to get our hands dirty in order to put food on the table, and you want to serve as a constant reminder to the rest of us that we’re killing animals in order to do so. Why don’t you take up a far worthier cause, like erectile dysfunction?

Ironically these are often the same motherfuckers who are completely anti-GM (genetically modified) foods, but as soon as you tell them that genetic modifications can often allow us to produce more food in less developed areas, thus feeding more starving people, they consider it acceptable. You green people are even saying that methane admissions from cows are threatening our environment. Are you dry shaving me? It’s a cow. It’s an animal. Make up your freaking minds people. What the fuck are you going to do about that. Put an ass balloon on him? I don't get on your case for eating a ton of veggies and having methane leaks that would make a bovines eyes water...now THAT'S not healthy!

The point is vegetarians are hypocritical eco-Nazis.

There are a multitude of different religious concerns for becoming a vegetarian. In fact, there are so many, it further serves to reinforce how different religions contradict one another and fall so far out of line with their original purpose (a “God”) that they can rarely be trusted.

The only thing I’m going to say about it is to really mirror what Chris Rock has already said on the subject. On the day of my judgement, as I stand before God, do you HONESTLY think he/she/it is gonna give a fuck if I’ve eaten meat? I haven’t killed anybody, I haven’t raped anybody, I haven’t stolen from anybody, but I ate meat. Is that very thing going to deny my entry into the eternal kingdom? I doubt it. If eating meat is a sin, then there’s gonna be an awful lot of obese McDonalds loving motherfuckers in Hell.

How would you explain the people who started out as meat-eaters, but turned to vegetarianism later in life? Oh wait, “God is forgiving” right? So he/she/it can’t forgive my ass for doing it at an entire life-time? Fucking hypocrisy yet again. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for people who choose religion as a basis for hope and perhaps even self-improvement, but to change your DIET over it? That’s completely nonsensical. Love thy neighbor, “be excellent to each other”, these are all good moral choices one can make in order to lead a “better” life. “Don’t eat meat” – how the fuck does that help me and my neighbor? That sounds more to me like a fucking diet fad that a chick would read in Cosmopolitan.

And oh yeah.. Jesus ate meat. Jesus even promotes it. He is telling you to drink blood and eat meat!

I am given the gift of life and am able to experience and participate in an unfathomable number of things. I am given the gift of free will, and am able to decide for myself the things I enjoy and dislike, but yet if I eat meat then I must suffer eternal damnation? Yeah, and the boogeyman will get me too right? It’d be worth it for a steak.

Aren't men and animals all equal?Well, first of all: no. Men and animals are not equal. Animals are animals. That's why we call them animals. Men can sometime be animals. But that's only a rhetorical phrase. The first and most important difference is that animals are stupid. Men aren't that stupid.Usually.
I know, there are those clever dolphins (this would be the perfect place to refer to a beloved South Park wisdom: If dolphins are so clever, why do they always ensnare themselves in drift nets?), but dolphins aren't clever. Sure, they can do some nice tricks, and they're cleverer than most animals. But their intellectual capacity is confined to hunting fish and getting laid – not that much more with the humans, but that little bit makes the difference.
We eat animals because every fucking species on this planet eats what he can fucking get, as long as it is healthy and tasty. And you should make no difference between a pig and a cucumber. Their DNA isn't that much different. Vegetarians should get comfortable with the fact that every living creature needs other dead creatures. Even your lovely salad grew on dead and rotten little daisies.

You don't get no health bonus from being vegetarian! So stop it! All of you! It is not a better nutritional diet. Weight for weight, almost any meat is more densely packed with nutrients than almost any plant. There are a few nutrients which are impossible to get without eating meat, and a significant number which are very difficult to get without eating meat. Vegetarians are healthier because the average vegetarian is lighter than the average meat eater. WTF? Thin is not fucking good. Fat is not good. Just right is just right. You don't want to put chemicals in your body?All plants are poisonous. No really. They are poisonous in that they contain toxins. However, people can eat plants and apparently suffer no ill effects. The reason for this is that highly evolved animals such as humans have evolved an ability to tolerate those toxins.

You don't get interesting by being a veggie. You only make your mom's life miserable. So stop it. Eat meat. If you want to, take some potatoes as a side dish.

What you eat does not define you as a person (unless you’re a vegetarian, in which case you’re a fucking asshole)