Friday, January 8, 2010

5 Things I Hate About Facebook

Please join my....

Oh look! Another group invitation?! Let’s see. “So and so invited you to join the I-Know-a-Zimbabwean-who-knows-a-Zambian-who-knows-Robert-Mugabe group.” Or “So and so invited you to become a fan of the-band-they-started-in-the-garage-yesterday”. But wait.. didn’t I ignore this 3 times already? Fucking stop it! I do not want to join in your suckfest! Why should I join your retarded group? I am a member of a hundred groups already, of things I care about or like! I don not like your stupid motherfucking band and I do not want updates on how long your practice went on today before your mom called you in for dinner! And I do not wanna be invited to your first live gig ever because I live in CPT and you live in Pofadder. Fuck.Off!


When people in relationships write on each other's walls every 10 minutes and refer to each other as "baby" "sweetie" "honey" whatever. We get it, you're in a relationship. Go find something better to do. Albums full of really-close-cause-they're-taken-by-the-people-in-them couples pictures. Disgusting and embarrassing.

If you want to make it all so very public why not make in interesting to all of us and post your sex pictures or say things like “ I love you so much baby even though your penis is kinda small!” I mean we are just laughing at you people anyway!

Retarded Status Updates

Like “I hate her so much” or “I’m so sad” forcing people to ask who, why or are you ok? you emo bitch!

Or people who share way too much. Dude.. I don’t wanna know that you’re dad is in prison. I don’t wanna know that your mommy touches your special place. Phone motherfucking lifeline and stop bringing everyone down with your pity party!

Stop looking for attention its pathetic.

Fucking applications!

Listen all you sociopathic knuckle draggers with your motherfucking Farmville/ Mafia Wars/ Medical Mayhem/ Cafeville or what-fucking-ever-ville people. You stickers/ hugs/ drinks/ lollipops application viruses: You are fucking annoying everyone!.

Maybe you're a 3 year old city dweller whose peepers have never even seen a MooMoo, or you may detest carrots to the point of puking but have a fetish for frozen vegetables, or maybe you are trying to get in touch with your inner swine or fowl. What sad bastards you all are. Go ask your mother for a suck on her teet and stop spamming my god damn page!

And for the sake of Mary being a virgin and Joseph believing her stop making albums of your motherfucking farms!!

Endless Notifications

This happens when you so much as fart in the direction of someone’s status update, picture or link. You then receive 50 updates on anyone else who liked, commented or farted on said person’s status update, link or picture. I really don’t fucking give a god damned shit about how Johnny feels about it!

Or notifications that have fuck all to do you with you! No facebook I do not want to know which of the twilight characters my friends are. I do not want to compare my movies in 2009 with them and I do not wanna find out if Youseff Random Arab Houssains motherfucking is my fucking soultmate. I already know he isn’t!!


  1. ROFL I agree but the thing I HATE the most is when people get married and combine their profiles as one. all of sudden Anne Sucks and John Lame becaomes one person John&Anne Lame grrrrr WTF?

  2. I've hidden all those farmville notices about people adding sheep and what not to their farms...also really hate that.
    Agree about the over emotional status's a bit sad when you have to constantly seek daily attention by saying things like "I can't do this anymore", "It's too hard", "You know who you are, you hurt me", etc....we don't care!
    Great blog btw!

  3. wahahahahahahaha LOVE IT! Oh my other fav - "Find out who is viewing your profile" Its FACEBOOK for fucks sake, isnt that what people are supposed to do????

  4. PMSL!! As I read it - I completely felt it!! I also HATE being tagged as a really REALLY fat girl in a shower bending over to pick up the soap. That being said I havent bothered to untag myself either. ;-)

    This was very funny. Thanks :)

  5. ROFLMAO  You hit the nail on the head AGAIN "sweetie". F&@k I love this blog!! I would love to meet you in person one day, just to see the tweep behind all of this...

  6. Brilliant!!!

    And what about Twitter "Just got home going to do some shopping" next time leave your address so would-be robbers could ransack the place... at least then it would be useful to someone.